Up and Running . . .

Around. Nonstop. And getting nowhere.

So far, I am not off to a flying start with this so-called “blog thing” and am beginning to know why I managed to put it off the past 8 years. One of my biggest fears was to have the whole thing “crash and burn” but don’t they say that by facing (ie, realizing) your fears, you can conquer them? Maybe this is a self-fulfilling prophecy since every time I try to start writing, something comes up.

On Monday, just as I sat down to spend a little time, my phone rang. Seeing my son’s school calling on the screen, I instinctively knew that any random mid-day call was, likely, not a good thing.

Basis CropTurns out that after refusing to wear a coat all last week, my son was now “not feeling well” and needed to be picked up immediately.  What! He was totally fine this morning. “Can I speak with him, please?” To which the nurse reluctantly called him over to the speaker phone. “Honey, you know it’s not easy for mommy to come and get you. Are you sure you can’t just try to power-through?”.  At this, the nurse bee-lined back to the phone “You do, in fact, need to come get him. He’s running a temperature of 99.9 and it’s our policy . . .”

“Is that really considered a fever?” I thought to myself. “Mommy,” my son interrupted on speaker, his voice suddenly very strong, “last time you told me to power-through I got sick in the Art room, and it wasn’t pretty.” Cringing, now that the nurse has, likely, recalled the incident, I became defensive. “Yes, honey, but then you called during last period. It didn’t make any sense for me to come all the way there when the bus was leaving so soon.” I remembered attempting to convince the nurse, back then, how it would take me longer to get him then to just take the bus home; she, clearly not interested. Now, feeling slightly guilty, I mumbled that I would be there as soon as possible.

On the drive over, I wondered if I’d have another opportunity this week to get back to writing. Normally, we have a sitter come on Thursday afternoons so that I can steal some precious moments alone with my son, after school, and take him to one of his activities. As an only child for 7 years, his life turned upside down with the girls’ arrival. Thinking of him waiting in the nurses office for me, I suddenly softened. “I’ll find a little time on Thursday,” I thought. No big deal.

Until I heard from my sitter.

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Maybe this thing will write itself?

Getting Started

img_2170-1-e1494866887393.jpgI started writing this post 8 years ago. And, if anyone is reading this, then yes, you read that correctly. It has been EIGHT years since the day I sat to put some thoughts together and contribute something new and interesting to an already clogged online blogging world. There were big plans to become a successful NYC blogger mama (yes, another one) and launch a new career at home making all sorts of money from various online advertisers. I had just terrified my husband and left my job to be home with my 1 year old son, at the time my only child, and the new love of my life. But, anyone can safely verify that no advertising checks have been rolling in, and Diapers.com, though now delivering on a weekly basis, has never come knocking begging me to sample free new products.
While a lot has happened over these years, it’s humbling and terrifying that it’s taken me this long to put something out there- or perhaps expose myself more personally. How the hell did I actually manage to let 8 years pass without completing a post? And, now that I’ve actually written this, how embarrassing it could be if i can’t come up with any new material. So, if anyone is reading, this could be the beginning and the end all wrapped up in one short post. Only time will tell. I pray I will have something to say, or the time to say it, on a somewhat regular basis. But who knows?
Since life doesn’t always go as planned, I am working more on “letting go”; just seeing what happens and not being so afraid of the unknown or possible failure. Only thing is that the last time I did this, on some level, I wound up having twins at the age of 45. Since they are identical twins, these were truly the “surprise” kind. That our lives were turned upside down is putting it mildly. Going from an easy, breezy, flexible family of 3, able to make plans on a dime, to the parents of a 9 year old and TWO 2 year old, defiant, toddlers can be harrowing. Before, we could spend time on “each other”. Now, there are days where the only civilized words spoken may be “she pooped again, it’s your turn to change her”. This can test a marriage. But, having survived the first 2 years, I keep hoping we’ve turned a corner; that things are going to get easier. Well now I don’t want to bore you with carrying on; let me save some for the next time- hopefully less than 8 years from today. Until then.